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my, it's been quite some time since last i wrote. shame, i miss this place. lots has happened! excitement! frustration, betrayal, condemnation and death!!! well, i'm lying about all that, but there has been excitement and frustration. i'm extremely tired. not so much physically as mentally. i'm trying to be a good boyfriend, which is always a challenge for any male. you have to make sure you incorporate enough time throughout your week to make your mate feel loved and appreciated. at the same time i'm trying to be a good friend with my one real guy-friend. that's also taxing, since he's demanding of time and energy, moreso than my lover. on top of that i'm working and schooling and trying not to fail or get fired. what fun, whhooooohooooo! but i really like my girlfriend and, when all's said and done i like my friend and my life is pretty ok. i'm just a bit screwed up. i need initiative. anyone know if that's purchasable? i need goals. i need plans for the future i might get the chance to see. i need to stop living day-by-day and make people proud. these things seem unattainable. again, can they be bought? like i could afford them, but hypothetically, it would be neat! and boring! i guess this is all a part of life's "journey", to teach you the lesson that no matter how hard you want things, they'll never just show up. it's when you're not looking that they show up. the hard part is to not look. or something. i miss things. i miss people. i miss a lot of things that i don't wanna miss. i miss you. and you. and you over there. no, not you, you beside him. yeah, you. you're cool.
now
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