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tonight my stove exploded. yes. the god-damned thing just up and blew to hell! i have to tell you i was a bit shocked. i was leaning into it with a flashlight, looking for my cat, and apparantly a fuse in the flashlight shorted and caused a chain reaction, which i still don't understand. anyways, it blew up. with me in it. but not really. i really was looking for my cat tonight tho. with a flashlight. in the backyard. i don't know how he got out there, but apparantly while he was venturing about he came accross the scattered remains of a ufo that crash landed in my yard. now aliens have taken over his body and are planning global domination. my cats head will be on every form of currency known to man! but not really. ok, enough storytelling. today was pretty laidback. i sat around, cleaning around the house every now and then. the mail came about noon. i got a letter saying my great uncle gerald had died and left me a stuffed hippo and a holey left sock as inheritance. now, the hippo i can use, but what the hell am i gonna do with just one sock? i really liked my uncle gerald. he always told me funny stories while we'd sit on his porch drinking boones farm. once he told me a tale about a young lad who was slowly losing his mind... now, this young lad looked and acted just like any other normal joe, but something odd was tickin' in his head. something that caused him to shave all his farm animals and start a cult involving microwavable dishware used in obscene, yet fascinating ways. now, it didn't take long before all the townflok learned of his disturbing behavior and had a town meeting to discuss the matter. it took no more than five minutes to decide that hairless goats were scary looking and that tupperware just shouldn't be used in such a manner, and that he had to go! so off the townfolk went, brandishing pitchforks and torches, ready to drive out the mongrel that very night. like a wragged army they moved toward his small farmhouse, yelling and beckoning for him to come out. only when he emerged thru the front door did they quiet. it looked as if the plastic weilding young boy had something to say. leaning forward, every ear open, anxiously waiting for him to speak. the lad opened his mouth and shouted... i need a hobby. and i should stop drinking right now...
now
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